The Funeral
The Funeral is a short story by Richard Matheson. Now unlike his novel, I Am Legend, I found this story terrifyingly humorous.
Morton Silkline is a businessman who happens to work in the never-ending career of funeral arranging. Ignoring job security, Silkline wants to make good commission regardless, and that is understandable. He meets his match when Ludwig Asper walks in requesting the most expensive arrangements. Silkline is happy to grant his request until he realizes that Ludwig wishes to arrange the funeral for himself.
Now, it seems somewhat ironic that a vampire would want a funeral to begin with. I think it is a humorous take on immortality. A question I found myself asking, "Do vampires contemplate suicide?" All jokes aside, after a few hundred years or so, immortality probably becomes more like the curse it is meant to be rather than a saving grace. Ludwig did not want a funeral because he was miserable, he wanted one because he did not have a proper "going-off" (2). The funny aspect to this is that he never, technically, went off. He is immortal (to a sense).
Morton does not really take the funeral like a pro; he is actually a wimp. Which is hilarious because this man plans parties for the dead all the time, and leeches as much money as he can off the mourning. You would assume a "live" funeral would have been a breath of fresh air, or even humorous, to him. However, he took the request as an offense to his position. I get that people do not like when they are made a joke out of, but come on. You deal with dead people all damn day, every day. If someone comes in wanting to pay high-end, expensive requests, who cares if the person in the casket is alive or dead or if they are burying a cucumber? Especially since Silkline is made out on the first page to be greedy. The irony of his characteristics, when put in this odd situation, was funny to me. He is greedy, so he still does the service.
The funeral itself is full of a wide range of colorful characters: a witch, vampires, a werewolf, and a hunchback. They all circle around the casket and admire it. Saying things like: "Splendid," "You picked a beauty, lad," and "Well, try it on fer size!" (3). These dialogues made me cackled because they sound like they are admiring wedding dresses or even cars. The connection I got here is since they are immortal, or live very long, death is a luxury to them. The werewolf even asks that they start the ceremony because he has an appointment at 9:15 (4). Now when the service begins, chaos breaks out. These monsters start bickering like dance moms while Ludwig pleads with them to stop so he can enjoy his funeral. All I could help but think for him was, "Well, buddy, maybe the third time will be the charm for you instead."Of all the possible monsters to give the sermon, The Count officially seems to welcome Ludwig to his newfound species, vampirism, with, "The memory of you shall not perish with your untimely sepulture. You are, dear friend, not so much out of the game as playing on another field" (4). Death is never timely, but it also appears Ludwig chose a bad time to hold a service. Considering the werewolf needed to get dinner, the hunchback is crying too loud to hear anything, the witch is bickering with her cat and The Count giving the sermon; all while Morton is stuck taking all this in or possibly becoming someone's dinner. Ludwig continues to plead from his casket. Eventually, the witch turns the service into flames, literally, for being kicked-out because she is problematic. Silkline becomes an accessory to the carpet, and that is all he wrote.
In the end, Ludwig Aspher was a satisfied and fulfilled customer. He even does the kind part of recommending Morton's company to all his friends. So now, not only is Morton scarred for life from the first incident, he has his whole life left to accommodate other monsters in need of service. The story ends with a new monster walking into his office, requesting help.
Let's just say, I think this bunch put the FUN in funeral.
Morton Silkline is a businessman who happens to work in the never-ending career of funeral arranging. Ignoring job security, Silkline wants to make good commission regardless, and that is understandable. He meets his match when Ludwig Asper walks in requesting the most expensive arrangements. Silkline is happy to grant his request until he realizes that Ludwig wishes to arrange the funeral for himself.
Now, it seems somewhat ironic that a vampire would want a funeral to begin with. I think it is a humorous take on immortality. A question I found myself asking, "Do vampires contemplate suicide?" All jokes aside, after a few hundred years or so, immortality probably becomes more like the curse it is meant to be rather than a saving grace. Ludwig did not want a funeral because he was miserable, he wanted one because he did not have a proper "going-off" (2). The funny aspect to this is that he never, technically, went off. He is immortal (to a sense).
Morton does not really take the funeral like a pro; he is actually a wimp. Which is hilarious because this man plans parties for the dead all the time, and leeches as much money as he can off the mourning. You would assume a "live" funeral would have been a breath of fresh air, or even humorous, to him. However, he took the request as an offense to his position. I get that people do not like when they are made a joke out of, but come on. You deal with dead people all damn day, every day. If someone comes in wanting to pay high-end, expensive requests, who cares if the person in the casket is alive or dead or if they are burying a cucumber? Especially since Silkline is made out on the first page to be greedy. The irony of his characteristics, when put in this odd situation, was funny to me. He is greedy, so he still does the service.
The funeral itself is full of a wide range of colorful characters: a witch, vampires, a werewolf, and a hunchback. They all circle around the casket and admire it. Saying things like: "Splendid," "You picked a beauty, lad," and "Well, try it on fer size!" (3). These dialogues made me cackled because they sound like they are admiring wedding dresses or even cars. The connection I got here is since they are immortal, or live very long, death is a luxury to them. The werewolf even asks that they start the ceremony because he has an appointment at 9:15 (4). Now when the service begins, chaos breaks out. These monsters start bickering like dance moms while Ludwig pleads with them to stop so he can enjoy his funeral. All I could help but think for him was, "Well, buddy, maybe the third time will be the charm for you instead."Of all the possible monsters to give the sermon, The Count officially seems to welcome Ludwig to his newfound species, vampirism, with, "The memory of you shall not perish with your untimely sepulture. You are, dear friend, not so much out of the game as playing on another field" (4). Death is never timely, but it also appears Ludwig chose a bad time to hold a service. Considering the werewolf needed to get dinner, the hunchback is crying too loud to hear anything, the witch is bickering with her cat and The Count giving the sermon; all while Morton is stuck taking all this in or possibly becoming someone's dinner. Ludwig continues to plead from his casket. Eventually, the witch turns the service into flames, literally, for being kicked-out because she is problematic. Silkline becomes an accessory to the carpet, and that is all he wrote.
In the end, Ludwig Aspher was a satisfied and fulfilled customer. He even does the kind part of recommending Morton's company to all his friends. So now, not only is Morton scarred for life from the first incident, he has his whole life left to accommodate other monsters in need of service. The story ends with a new monster walking into his office, requesting help.
Let's just say, I think this bunch put the FUN in funeral.
My favorite part of this story was that the witches in the front row were getting progressively more drunk as the funeral went on.
ReplyDeleteI cannot decide which one of the bunch I like the most. The creeps saying tasty, the depressed hunchback, the drunk witches, or the werewolf with a dinner appointment. I really like how Matheson reached and rolled with lore while creating a very humorously odd situation. I would say I want a novel length version, but the repetition of one monster funeral after another would get old.
DeleteAlexis –
ReplyDeleteI completely agree—"The Funeral" was leaps and bounds more enjoyable than I Am Legend! It honestly made me kind of sad, thinking how good the novel could have been if it had half the sense of humor of this story. I like your point that it's ironic a vampire would want a funeral to begin with, but I think that that consideration honestly makes a few of the Count's lines genuinely touching. His comment about being "on a different field" rather than "out of the game" was surprisingly sweet, even if it was delivered with a hilarious amount of pomp. I think that was one of the things I liked most about the story—it was ridiculous and absurd, but without feeling pointless or nihilistic, probably because of little moments like that which made me feel a little sorry for poor Ludwig not getting the send-off he dreamed of! I didn't think I'd read the rest of Matheson's short stories after finishing I Am Legend, but now I think I actually might!
– Rebecca
Rebecca,
DeleteI loved the humor Matheson put into this story. I love the idea but could not imagine making it novel length without turning into another I Am Legend with the plot repetition. Because of that, I am happy he left it at five pages and 2,000 something words.
Alexis,
ReplyDeleteI think that when Silkline took the request as an offense to his position, it was because I don't think he knew then that vampires (and all the other monsters) were real. If you look at it like that, it's believable that he thought Ludwig was making fun of him and his profession. It was when he saw Ludwig fly away as a bat that he realized the whole thing was legitimate.
Once the funeral started, well, how could you expect one to react? I get what you're saying about the "breath of fresh air," and I suppose Matheson could have gone that route and the story still might have succeeded. Imagine Silkline reacting in wonder and excitement at everything he witnessed. But I think Matheson was trying to give it a little bit of a realistic element (even though most of the story was flat out absurd) by making Silkline react as if he still hasn't quite coped with the fact that these monsters really exist.
What would have been a funny twist at the end was if Silkline would have made some kind of financial deal with the werewolf to bring him more clientele. After all, you gotta wonder how that dinner date went!
Hey Shoe,
DeleteTotally get what you're saying when Silkline took offense. I was just pointing out how ironic it was that a greedy man had limits on accepting money.
I also understand what you are saying about the situation being absurd and how would one really react natural to it. I found the story hilarious from Silkline's confusion at the start to the end when he now has a new clientele to please.
I wish I was able to see that dinner date! Funny you mention the deal, that would have been genius.
the FUN in funeral, that's a good one, Alexis. I wonder if Matheson really was trying to make a morla point about human greed in the story. I was so distracted by the generally over-the-top monster mash of the piece that I may have missed that. To me, the story seemed almost like a pitch for a twilight Zone episode. He wrote a for that series as I recall.
ReplyDelete